Track Twenty-Three: Hurt Me

She supposed the interesting thing about the past two hours was that she was usually on the receiving end. For as long as she could remember, she hadn’t ever initiated that crossing between the non-sexual and the scandalous. She had, of course, done a lot of flirting and teasing to stir the boys up, but it had always been them who had made the first move. Even with the few women she’d been with during her late teenage years, they had always been the one to start. So when she had leaned across the bed and kissed him and skimmed her lips against his neck and tugged at his sweater, she surprised herself as much as she had him.

Thankfully, he seemed to welcome the distraction because he took her in his arms and helped her undress him, guided her hands down his thin frame, and teased her as she pleasured him until they had exhausted themselves. But even then she couldn’t seem to get enough of him because as they lay under his thick blanket, their half-naked bodies pressed close to one another, she played with his hair and brushed his cheeks with her hands and kissed him. He smiled sleepily at her before sliding a hand up her side until his fingers were tangled in her hair as he brought her closer to himself.

Not that they loved. They were nothing more than friends who had abused their boredom to reach a level of pseudo-intimacy. Of course, they had lusted after one another for some time. He was as beautiful as she, and it would have been difficult for one to resist the temptation inherent in meeting someone with such august countenance. But as they lay there protected from the world beyond, each couldn’t help but secretly wonder if there was any chance at all for them to shed the thin veneer that disguised their attraction to one another – though neither was brave enough (or foolish enough, depending on who you asked) to speak aloud and break the blissful peace, until the door to the room swept open, carrying with it contempt and disgust for the happy couple.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake… Why here?”

Sitting up, Lelouch moved over her as if to hide her. Closing the shirt she’d borrowed from him, she moved to the corner of the bed where it was darkest. Her legs drawn up close, she watched as he reached for her carelessly strewn pants. His roommate rolled his eyes.

“Oh, no, please. There’s no need to get dressed for me, I just came by to get something because, oh, you know, this is where I live?”
“As if you haven’t done the same with your girlfriend.”
“At least we love each other. Sex without love is meaningless; all you two are doing is bastardizing something holy.”

Lelouch sat quietly. It wasn’t as if he could refute; even if he loved her, it didn’t mean that she loved him. As a matter of fact, Alex was still in the picture, was he not? No matter how much time they had spent together since the winter holiday, whenever Alex called her, she obediently flew to his side. How many times had she left the cinema or lunch or the library just to go to him? The only times she hadn’t had been during their lessons, and even then, she’d been restless and fidgety until he had cut her loose.

The thought made him frown as he was reminded of his frustration. What was it that she liked in him anyway? He seemed like the very antithesis of what she deserved, and yet, she was slave to his every beck and call. Was he kind? Clever? Faithful? No, of course not. Why should he be? And yet, she was indentured to him so that she had next to no will with him. Why?

“But you know what, you two can do whatever the hell you want. S’none of my business. Just make sure to air out the room; I really don’t care for breathing in the smell of your sin. Might burn in hell if I do.”

He slammed the door shut after him, leaving them to mull over reality.

“…Well, I should probably go,” she said quietly. Clearing her throat, she moved out from the shadows. Picking up her pants from his lap, she fished out her underwear from one of the legs before slipping them on. Letting his shirt fall onto his bed, she reached for her bra, when he asked her if she wanted to go out for dinner.

“Oh. Actually… I told Alex I’d… But, um… Maybe next time.”

He gave her an odd smile as he nodded. Sure. Of course. Embarrassed, she hurriedly dressed herself. Smoothing her hair, she gave him a half-baked smile.

“So I’ll see you tomorrow then?”

When she left him to himself and the fading memory of warm bliss, he dragged himself to the window. Shoving it up, he dolefully looked out at the collegiate landscape. He watched the other students walk by, talk by, and pass by, each busy and excited with their own hopeful love lifes. Glum, he leaned his forehead against the frigid glass of the window, glad for some sort of support. But it wasn’t until he was eating dinner alone when he realized that she had forgotten to kiss him on the cheek before leaving as she had begun to do after their first night together.

Lelouch found his dinner strangely salty that night but made no effort to complain to the staff.

It was his fault and his alone.


One Comment Add yours

  1. Sean O'Brien says:

    It is indeed interesting that she took the initiative, which is probably something of a sign she should take heed of. She’ll get there in time anyway. And of course Lelouch was receptive since he’d been crushing pretty hard on her and probably thought maybe she was sharing the attraction, which is clearly something of the case. And along with all the sexual stuff, there is definitely a lot of affectionate gestures going on there with some real good chemistry as well as trying to convince herself that there’s nothing romantic going on here. Nope, not at all. But the concept at least seems to be worming its way into her head and I also think she’s not exactly seeing where Lelouch is coming from (I’m sure lust is playing a part of course).

    Lelouch’s roommate is…curious. Dude seems like he’s super religious from some of his comments but rather than decrying them having sex it’s more that they’re just fooling around with not being a relationship. So a bit different though still a bit judgmental and preachy even if there is perhaps a kernel of truth there. It seems to get to Lelouch a bit at least since he does love her at this point. But yeah, it is severely messed up that they’re doing all this while she’s still involved with Alex. Lot of mixed signals going on there with how she’s fooling around with him, but then going to see him whenever and probably doing a lot more than what they’re doing now. I can’t at all blame him from being so frustrated given how much of a jerk this Alex guy seems and her fixation on pleasing him.

    The whole goodbye was just super awkward, which I’m sure was the intention. They need to get this whole thing fixed and given this Alex guy that might come sooner rather than later. For now, it’s a rather sad ending for Lelouch at least with him moping about the situation. Still, I really like these flashbacks to their developing relationship given how we know things go. So seeing these early hurdles and developments are interesting to see.

    Thank you 🙂


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