…I think that different emotions are felt differently by people. Which seems like a very obvious fact. But if you just sit and consider for a moment how emotions – or even the lack thereof – dictate what we say and do and decide, I don’t think you can ever genuinely grasp that concept.
I’m not really sure if it was just because of something that happened today, but as the hours pass by, I have been having an increasingly difficult time. Like I’ll see something, and it’ll make me laugh, but once the amusement is over and done with, it’ll be the pure emptiness and crippling loneliness again.
The word crippling has been chosen very carefully. To cripple something means to damage it with such severity, it can no longer function as it once did.
But it feels like every time I feel this way and want to reach out to someone, it feels as if I’m forcing them into a situation that they neither want to be in nor know how to be in, so I always regret reaching out to them and letting myself believe that I could depend on them. So then I don’t want to have to go through that pain so I try not to, but that only makes it more painful.
I only pray that the eternal relief comes sooner than later. I am so starved for warmth but too prideful to settle with pity. I cry, but can’t even do so freely.
From dust I came and to dust I shall return.